Exam done, and in Spain

I finished the exam on Friday. And let me tell you, that went horrendously. Already when I walked into the place before the hall where we had the exam and there were lots of people there. I have really bad social anxiety, so this wasn’t helping me to calm down and concentrate for my exam. After a while we walked into a very large hall, with desks and chair set up systematically everywhere. I found mine with a bit of help from the lectors walking around. When I sat down, I already felt very uncomfortable. There were all around. I didn’t have anyone on my left, as I was at the very end but having the lectors walking by and looking every so often at me, didn’t help. We started the exam shortly after, at 8:56 AM, and I had an amazingly bad start. My mind had gone totally blank, and I couldn’t concentrate on anything, and I wanted nothing more than to run out of the place. After about 20 minutes from when we started, I still had nothing written down and was starting to panic as I looked around. I tried subduing my panic and anxiety by writing in my notepad. This did not go well. I ended up writing for 2.5 hours and wrote 3 pages of my thoughts. And let me tell you they were not the best of thoughts. So at this point I was at the point of tearing up and just had to leave. I had to send in an empty exam. Of course, that means I forfeited my exam and automatically failed. I left, feeling very depressed and did not really want to talk to anyone for the rest of the day.

The next day, I was in a better mood and was off to Spain. It felt really good to see my brother again, but too bad he wasn’t staying for very long. We drove home, to where my mother lives, and had a nice family dinner together, chatting and having fun. Though the next morning, my brother had to leave really early in the morning. He popped his head in while I was taking my pills, saying goodbye and that he was very late. I think he was about an hour late. Oh well, it’s his own fault for not preparing well enough. Sunday was quite tame. We didn’t do much. We drove out to this place about an hour drive away and had breakfast at 1 PM. I know, this is a very late breakfast. Afterwards, we went to an Austrian bakery, where they sold cake and bread. The cakes hey had, were good! I wish I could have tasted some of the other cakes they had, but they filled more than you’d have thought. I had a cake that they called Sacher, while my step dad had a Mango cake. They looked amazing! I regret not talking a picture of them. For the rest of the day though, we just relaxed and took it easy. There was no need to stress or anything at all. This was Sunday. When night arrived, I walked back to the caravan, where I’m living in the garden, and turned on the light. As I did, I screamed, there was a massive spider not more than 30cm away from the light switch above the bed. I took a picture ad sent it to my mother, who then laughed and asked if I wanted to sleep in the house. I could not get out of the caravan with all my things, quick enough. But before I could go inside, I had to turn off this light that was just besides the spider. I used my laptop to turn the light off and screamed again when the spider moved. I took my things, that I had already packed, and quickly turned off the rest of the lights, running out of the caravan. I would not stay there, knowing that there was a huge spider there!

Turning on the light to see this big spider and scream.

Yesterday, I slept well but woke up early. I’d have loved to sleep more, as I was having a lovely dream, but no. I was not allowed to sleep more. The mornings here in Alicante area is surprisingly cold, I’d have thought they’d be a bit warmer, but nope. It’s cold, very cold. I ended up with reading in bed under the duvet. I was not about to get out of bed and put my feet on to cold stone floor. So really, a nice morning in bed which didn’t last too long. Mother had plans, and wanted me out of bed, we were going out to eat breakfast again. Another place, that was a bit far off, not as far as yesterday. It was nice, we had a bottle of red wine and 2 chicken legs, with baguette and aioli beside it. Good breakfast but again, very late. Afterwards we headed home to relax for a little bit.

2 Chicken legs and a few mushrooms.

We were only supposed to relax for 30 minutes… Those 30 minutes turned into 3 hours. I had read for a bit, relaxed, and almost fallen asleep. In the middle of my reading, when I’m very comfortable, my parents come out. “Hey, you ready to go?” I’d been ready for like an hour or more! Oh well, we drove out to the city and parked the car. Now, I have a huge problem, remember how I have really bad social anxiety? Well, I don’t take kindly to lots of noise and a big crowd of people. There were lots of people out and talking, loudly, amongst themselves. I was stressing and got mentally exhausted in just a few minutes. I really wanted to find a nice, quiet place to sit down eat and drink at. But it wasn’t so quiet anywhere. We did find a nice place to eat at, and the food was amazing! I had a Kobe Hamburger with cheddar sauce. It both looks good and tastes even better. I really recommend trying it if you ever find some place that makes it.

Kobe Hamburger with cheddar sauce in, and fries on the side.

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